parenting

You thought you had an identity. Actually, you have many of them. This is not my original idea. The idea was first proposed by Kenneth Gergen 20 years ago in a book he wrote called The Saturated Self. I just came across some thoughts I had on it which I want to share with you.

Let’s take Carol.

Here's an excerpt from a textbook of a parent who is not in synch with his or her child:

"Such a parent would have moments of intrusiveness that appeared to be emotional invasions into the infant's state of mind. these were generally not hostile in nature; a parent might suddenly grab a happliy playing child and shower him with excited hugs and kisses without warning, disrupting the child's focus of attention and state of mind. That is, the parent would try to be connected, but in a way that was not contingent to the child's communication."

For children to want to listen, they must feel loved. Discipline without love is worthless. For children to grow up to love themselves, they must learn responsibility. Both love and discipline are necessary for healthy, happy children.

REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION from the Florida Jewish News

I overheard a snippet of family conversation between one of my adult children and her Life Partner which went like this:

Life Partner: "So, do you have our flight number and departure time?"

REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION  from the Florida Jewish Journal

She sits sullenly looking at the floor. They all do, the teenagers roped into therapy by angry parents. “It isn’t enough that she isn’t doing her homework; it turns out she’s online with boys behind my back,” growls Mrs. Portnoy. “She’s only 14 and I’m scared to death what she’s getting into.”

REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION from the Florida Jewish News

REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION from the Florida Jewish Journal

REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION from the Florida Jewish News

“She stands there and sasses me,” the poor young mother cried. “She won’t go to time out. What can I do?”

REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION from the Florida Jewish News, p. 15

“I can’t do anything with her,” Mrs. Porter said plaintively, “I am absolutely starting to lose it.”

“Starting?” her husband asked with genuine surprise and a roll of the eyeballs. “Listen,” he confided in me, “my wife’s just as bad as our seven-year old when they get going. You should hear them.”

“Tell me more,” I said to Mrs. Porter.